:my buddy:

my buddy

remember when you were somewhere around the age of young and you had that friend that you wanted to spend all of your time with? the one you shared your everything with?

i found myself one of those at burning man this year.. i've talked to him every day since i left the playa.. he's my fellow manager, so while we spent most of our time together, most of it was because we were working.. and it would've been pretty ungood had we not shared in the work. but even in our off time he was there, where i was.. he camped next to me..

we've known each other for five years (since my first year out on the playa) and every year we spend more time together.. and i love it.. i'm really enjoying having him in my life.. i love making new friends..

although i will be the first one to admit that i worked too hard while i was out there, and i didn't spend enough time with people i should've, and some things went very wrong and if there was the possibility, i would do some things differently, i won't regret spending time with him.. he's something i need in my life and vice versa.. so that's good..

(and e. if you're reading this. i don't want this to sound like i don't need you in my life. he's not a replacement. because well, no one can replace you. i need you too. so there you go.)

i'm trying to adjust. i'm trying to readjust. i hate to be one of those cheesy burners who yells "welcome home" to everyone every year and who says she cannot be herself outside of burning man, that it's the only place she really feels real.. because that's not it for me..

i love the community i have out there.. i love seeing all of my friends year after year.. i like working and seeing the city being built and torn down.. i love the desert and its harsh charm.. i like seeing what people come up with for their art and their costumes.. there is definitely something that happens out there that is pretty cool.. something pretty big.. bigger than me, at least..

it's such a hard thing to explain. and it seems even harder to explain why it is that even after three weeks i still didn't really want to leave. i thought i was ready, i thought i had spent enough time out there, but as soon as my tires hit the pavement i wanted to turn around and go back.. i wasn't done.. i hadn't gotten everything i wanted out of that place, i guess.. i don't know.. i guess there's always next year.. and of course the formal decompression is soon.. and i might go this year.. (i've always been too far away before..)

and then there's me going down to the bay area next weekend for a debriefing session with my buddy and my boss and our tech guy.. that will help..

for now. this is where you'll find me.